I Turn To You
by RasberryGirl
Summary: Sappy, sweet JC fic


Another failed mission. We had been so close to victory, I could see it, feel it, even taste it. Many people had been freed, had been given their lives back by unknown saviors. And yet, so many others were still lost, trapped in a living hell inside their own mind. One of them was Tom.

I told myself that we had to leave, had to retreat before one of us was captured and our secret was given away. I guess in a way it wasn't a complete failure, the looks of gratitude on the people's faces gave me a small bit of comfort. But even this was crushed, knowing that I couldn't save them all. I was still a failure. 

"Jake, it wasn't your fault." Marco. I looked up at my best friends' face, uncharacteristically solemn. Marco knew how it felt to have someone you loved also be the enemy, and to know that you could do nothing to comfort them, to help them. I didn't answer him. 

{There'll be other times. We won't give up} said a silent voice. Tobias focused his fierce gaze on me. Seeing him only made it worse. He was a constant reminder of another of my failure's. I could've have saved him. Could have...

"It won't do any good to beat yourself up over something you can't change," said a slightly angry voice. I recognized it as my cousin Rachel's. 

I admire Rachel for her braveness, for her willingness to fight, but ultimately, what she's become is a killing machine. Rachel's not a cold or evil person, but when we're in battle...I almost forget that it's Rachel, and not some wild, crazed animal. 

"You did your best, all of us did, that's all anyone can ask," said a soft, angelic voice. I saw Cassie, her beautiful eyes radiating sadness. I quickly looked away, I loved her so much, but I didn't deserve her love. I couldn't protect her, I was a failure to everyone. I knew that if I let myself love her, I'd eventually fail her, too, and she would never love me again.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that ever happened. 

Through this I had not said a word, I just let their words roll off my back. But just hearing Cassie's voice, it cracked the emotional walls I had built around me.

"I have to go," I said. I ignored everyone's protests and left the barn, the constant burden of leadership weighing me down even as I distanced myself from the people I led to their deaths everyday.

I woke up the next morning, and went through all the actions of being a normal person: get dressed, eat breakfast, make conversation with family. I even managed to smile when Tom said that he had recruited ten more people to the Sharing in just one week. But inside, I was cursing myself.

How I could I smile when ten more people had unknowingly been sent to a fate worse than death? How could I pretend that I was happy when actually I was the exact opposite? But of course, I didn't say any of that. I just grabbed my backpack, said goodbye to everyone, and walked to school with Marco. We talked about normal things. Stupid things, really, but nevertheless normal. We made it to the school building.

"I'll see you later," said Marco, and I nodded. I forced myself to pay attention to my first class of the day, but by second period my mind was drifting. I almost missed the announcement over the P.A. system that said everyone was to go to the main auditorium for the school variety program. I spotted Marco in the hall and I joined him.

We walked wordlessly to the auditorium, neither of us in the mood to watch a bunch of kids embarrass themselves. We were a few of the last people to get there, but Rachel had saved us both seats near the middle. 

She waved us over. We quickly took our seats. "Hi you guys," she whispered. We both said hi. I looked around, and noticed that Cassie wasn't in the audience.

"Where's Cassie?" I asked quietly. Rachel frowned. "I thought she was with you guys," she replied. Before I could say anything else, the first act started. I think it was a ventriloquist act, but I'm not sure. I tried to pay attention, but I really didn't care. The next few acts went by pretty fast, and I noticed that Marco had fallen asleep beside me. I was dozing off myself when Rachel nudged my shoulder. 

"Is that Cassie?" she asked, pointing to the front of the auditorium. I looked on the stage, and I quickly recognized Cassie.

"That's her," I whispered back. Marco stirred awake, and he saw. 

"What's she doing?" he asked, but Cassie started talking and Rachel shushed him.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to someone very special to me. This is for you, Jake," she said, and gave me her beautiful smile. She took a deep breath, and I watched in awe as her heavenly voice filled the auditorium.

_When I'm lost in the rain  
In your eyes I know  
I'll find the light  
To light my way  
When my world is going crazy  
You can turn it all around  
And when I'm down you're there_

For a shield  
From the storm  
For a friend  
For a love to keep me safe ans warm  
I turn to you

For the strength to be strong  
For the will to carry on  
For everything you do  
For everything that's true  
I turn to you

As she sung the last few words, I felt the wall that I had so precariously built around my heart crumble, and instead it was filled with unspeakable love for this girl who thought so much of me, even though I didn't.

_For the arms to be my shelter  
Through all the rain  
For someone to lean on  
For a heart I can rely on through anything  
For that one who I can run to  
I turn to you_

The auditorium broke out in applause and cheering, but through it all, I managed to find my way to Cassie. I didn't even try to pretend that what she had just done hadn't affected me. 

"I love you." I wrapped my arms around her, and kissed her with all the love for her I had kept inside me for so long, not caring that we where in front of the entire student body. People started cheering louder, but I really wasn't paying any attention to that. 

I could only think about how much her love meant to me, and how a few words had been the best thing anyone could've given me. When we finally pulled apart, I saw that everyone was standing up, still clapping, and Marco and Rachel were both smiling. 

I can't say that the teachers were this enthusiastic. Cassie and I both got three days of detention. I've never had a better punishment before in my life.

_Author's Note: The lyrics in this story definitely aren't mine, they're taken from the song I Turn To You on the Christina Aguilera album. I tried to make this one less sappy than Reflection. ::grins:: But I couldn't help making the ending kinda sappy, it was way too tempting. I hope you liked my story, please review. ^_^_


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